My lover's gone
by moanda
Summary: The musings of Liz after Max's death


Title: My Lover's Gone  
Author: Moanda  
Disclaimer: I own nothing of Roswell or Dido, I am just borrowing their storyline,characters and lyrics.  
Summary: Liz's musings after Max's death.  
Note: I thought of this idea while listening to "My Lover's Gone", of course, earlier tonight and just had to write it; you guys know what I'm talking about....  
  
  
  
  
"my lover's gone  
his boot's no longer by my door  
he left at dawn  
and as i slept i felt him go"  
  
  
I can't believe this is happening.   
  
Maria keeps asking what happened, but I can't speak to tell her he's gone. She wouldn't believe me anyway.  
  
She's leaving now. Probably to find a phone. I wonder who she will call? Michael. He probably isn't home, but at least I have some time alone.   
  
Time: it seems to have stopped, and I'm not suprised. How can I live without him? But I wasn't even able to live WITH him. I couldn't be around him wothout havong this alien force changing me.  
  
But now he is gone. I could feel him leave. How is that possible? Because we are soul mates? Because he is an alien? Because he changed me?  
  
All I know is that he has gone. Forever? I don't know.  
  
Where did he go? Heaven? I don't know that either.  
  
He has left earth though.  
  
  
"returns no more  
i will not watch the ocean  
my lover's gone  
no eearthly ships will ever  
bring him home again  
bring him home again"  
  
Antar. He's gone to Antar. His home.   
  
No! This is his home! How could he leave? How could he leave Michael and Isablel? Maria and Kyle? His parents? ....me?  
  
How could he leave us? Leave me? No, I don't want to know how he can leave with so many things unspoken? So many feelings in anguish. Promises unkept.  
  
It doesn't matter.He's gone and he's not coming back. And I don't want him to. Not after all the pain he has put me through? ...but the love was so strong....  
  
Not strong enough. I don't care anymore. If he can just leave like that and make everyone think he has died, everyone but me, then good ridence! I won't let anyone go looking for you. You can have it your way and stay up there forever.   
  
I will not look up at that big ocean of stars and wonder where you are. If you are looking back at me. If you are thinking of me.   
  
You're gone and no one will come looking for you.  
  
  
"my lover's gone  
i know that kiss will be my last  
no more his song   
the tune apon his lips is gone"  
  
  
But it wasn't you choice was it?  
  
They took him. And I'll never see him again.   
  
They took him without even letting him say goodbye. No, that's wrong. They did let him say goodbye.  
  
That is how I know he is gone. He said goodbye to me. But he'll never come back.   
  
I'll never feel his strong hands support my back as we dance anymore. Taste his salty llips in mine. Hear his sweet voice serenade me ever again.  
  
It will be silent. Silence. Deafening silence. So big and strong.  
  
His song is gone. He is gone. I am alone now, forever.  
  
What right do they have to take him from me? They may have had Zan the king first, but I had Max the teenager. He was mine, and now he's now. Not anymore.  
  
  
"i sing alone  
while i watch the ocean  
my lover's gone  
no earthly ships will ever  
bring him home again  
bring him home again"  
  
  
Now I must fill the void, but I don't want to.   
  
I look to the stars and wish he could come back. Futile. I should know better. He's not coming back. He's gone.  
  
The only way he'll get back is if they let him. Nothing here can reach him. They must bring him, but can thay? Will they?  
  
Another question only time will answer. Time: is it still moving? Forward? Backward?  
  
How I wish that it would work backward. Then maybe I could have done something, been somewhere else, instead of lying here in an attic with alcohol of my breath.  
  
No, it wouldn't have mattered.  
  
It is irrelevant.  
  
Actually, I don't think time is moving. I think it stopped. Stopped forever.  
  
It doesn't matter if he does come back. I'll always be here, in my head, contemplating the cruelty of the universe.  
  
  
"my lover's gone  
his boots no longer at my door  
he left at dawn  
and as i slept i felt him go  
returns no more  
i will not watch the ocean  
my lover's gone   
no earthly ship will ever   
bring him home again  
bring him home again"  
  
  
Liz Parker lay in they hospital bed, much to deep to be reached by the friends and family surrounding her. Black clothed each body, for today they all mourned the passing of another close friend. But Liz will never look past the thick veil she has pulled over herself to see the pain that the loss of these two teenagers have caused this group of close-knit people. 


End file.
